The Lord is so good to me. Why am I discouraged? It's just me being dumb I know...but today the discouragement weighed heavy on me from the time I got up. Just one of those days...ever have one of those?
Anyways God has been so gracious to me lately in the fact that I have not thought too much about May (aka when I graduate college and enter the "real world"). I am often plagued with such thoughts, especially last year but as the time draws closer for me to graduate God has poured on the grace oh so much more and really calmed my heart about it.
"Well whats your major?... that should give you a clue as to what to do". I'm so glad you asked.
My major is Anthropology. I'm sure I just lost about 1/3 of you to another tab on your screen frantically looking up the word anthropology. It is the "study of man". Cool eh?...riiiight. I got the tap on the forehead if you will from God in January of my sophomore year that said, "Hey, your not going to major in nursing anymore, your life is no longer on your terms, but Mine and not for you but for Me." I was totally cool with that. In all seriousness that was up until now the coolest moment in my life, it's just amazing to experience the presence of God so much that you leave a completely different person. But anyways after that day I was left perplexed and stranded with no major. So I went to class as planned as a nursing major until I could figure out what to do. I quickly dropped all of my nursing classes as God confirmed, this is not for me. I did hoever keep one Anthropology class because I loved it. So when I transferred to UAB I still had no clue what I wanted to do other than I knew I was going to do something in the ministry, serving God. Thats broad I realized so I complimented the broadness of my future with a broad like degree, the study of man.
Skipping ahead through a few semesters of boringness we come to it. Now. My senior year. I have found that I have learned little to nothing about the real world. I know God had me in this major and at a public school for a reason (I have had so many opportunities to talk about God things with lost people) but now I'm kinda like okay now what. There is not a snigle ambition I can tangibly hold onto that I can say "thats what I want to pursue". I love photography and I have been given a gift and passion for it, but I feel like I will never be good enough to make it in that industry, it just doesn't feel feasible. And I love the ministry, but God has not burdened my heart for something feasible in that realm either. I am very blessed to have a good job now, and I will have that once I graduate as well but it is not what I want to do with life.
So all that to say I am discouraged today. Satan did a good job of whispering the lies today. I know I need not believe them, and I still have a God given faith that He will lead me and open doors for me. I know come May that I will look back at this time and think, "idiot, why did you worry". But as much as I know the truth the lies often times can weigh heavy on your heart. So thats where I stand tonight.
I have one ambition, the fame of God, but how that will become a reality in the near future. uncertain.
with a heavy heart,
Rach
This is probably my favorite I've ever taken. Without being cliche I have to say it was such a cool moment of worship too. I mean it paints such a picture. The white, American woman, who never worries about if she will have enough to eat hands the poor, naked, Hispanic child, who probably never goes a day without worrying about if he will eat today, a piece of food. God is such a good giver. This photos title is "The Gift"