Tuesday, June 24, 2008

life as we know it

So my life has been crazy the past few weeks to say the least... I think it finally caught up with me a little bit today and yesterday because I have not felt the greatest.. most likely its just my body telling me to chill out... which is a foreign concept to me considering I never stop going and doing. I need to learn the word no. Anyways in all the chaos I wish I could say I have done a good job at keeping God a priority in my day...but i haven't. I have not taken the time to sit at His feet in so long...which really is the only necessary thing. My mind has been so distracted lately that sometime I forget to even acknowledge God until I"m lying in bed about to go to sleep... which is not at all what my Savior deserves... I realize I have nothing to give... be He deserves the best of me... and I have not been giving that... Its hard though... I have confessed this to Him and I swear it is like my flesh is fighting with all it has to keep me in the place I have been these past few weeks. I feel like I am fighting so hard just to feel Gods presence. It's discouraging and frustrating I'm not gonna lie. But in the deepest part of my heart I know my life is hidden in Him... and its so hard for me to grasp the concept that I don't have to somehow now work my way back to fellowship with Him. Praise God that he doesn't work that way or I would never make it. So tonight as I sit here alone in my room I am feeling His grace fall down on me... and let me tell you.. I don't know if I've ever been so desperate for air. I am hungry. I am in need. He is all. I am His. He is mine. This song has spoken to me so much the past few days and has quickly become one of my favorites. It is by Sara Groves and the words are awesome. It expresses so much what I have been so frustrated with in the church and with Christianity in general. Jesus is not a portrait or a stained glass window or a hymn or most of all tradition. He is real. His blood is real it's not just a symbol. Why don't we live like we believe this. Faith is believing in something so much you act on it and if we believe in God then we believe in who He is and if this is true then we believe that he is our Provider... why don't we trust Him to provide... that He is satisfying...then why are we seeking it so much in this world... that He is comforter... why do we spend more time telling our friends our problems than God...the list goes on and on...oh how clear it is to me this week that it's not hard to believe that I've sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Well here are the lyrics to the song I have eluded to all this time. I hope it speaks to you like it has spoken to me:

Dress down your pretty faith, give me something real
Leave out the Thee and Thou and speak to me now
Speak to my pain and confusion
Speak through my fears and my pride
Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside

I know that I'm not perfect, but compare me to most
In a world of hurt in a world of anger I think I'm holding my own
And I know that you've said there is more to life
No I am not satisfied
But there are mornings I wake up and I’m just thankful to be alive

I've known for quite a while that I am not whole
I've remembered the body and the mind, but dissected the soul
Now something inside is awakening
Like a dream I once had and forgot
And it's something I'm scared of and something I don't want to stop

I woke up this morning and realized
Jesus is not a portrait
Or stained glass windows
Or hymns
Or all the tradition that surrounds us

I thought it would be hard to believe in, but it's not hard at all
To believe I've sinned
And fallen short
Of the glory of God

He's not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom
He's asking to take my place
To stand in the gap that I have formed
With His real amazing grace

And it's not just a sign or a sacrament
It's not just a metaphor for love
The blood is real and it's not just a symbol of our faith

Monday, June 16, 2008


So I know it's been a long time since a post...sorry... but life exploded a little bit the last of May/ 1st of June... just got back from Boston a week ago...I helped move two of my best friends in the whole world up to Gloucester... a quaint little fishing town north of Boston. Josh is going to seminary at Gordon Conwell and Amanda is going to be an awesome nanny for a couple of kids in Hamilton. I'm so excited for them but I miss them terribly. Boston was awesome though... I could live there... and today I would live anywhere where the temp is below 94 degrees.. I hate Alabama summers...with a passion. Ugh. Anyways camp started last week as well.. I really didn't think I'd be working there again this summer... but its clear this is where God wanted me so I am excited about it thats for sure. I have enjoyed it thus far... not too stressful... yet... but Cheer camp is this week so Heather will be gone which could bring the stress in one giant tsunami. We will see...college group beach trip is this weekend then we leave for Dominican in less than 3 weeks... wow... crazy. I am so excited about that though... I've become complacent these days.. I need a jolt of reality...people are suffering and people are dying every day with out hearing the gospel... I need to think of that more often these days... selfishness is creeping in... prayers are needed. When time is valuable and free time is a rare find... why is it that my time with the Lord is the first thing to go... usually at least... I frustrate myself..PTL his grace is enough...that doesn't give me an excuse to slack all the more... but it carries a demand to "jump on it" if you will :) and get over myself and spend more time soaking in the Word and the presence of my Savior. For His names' sake.

Well that is life in a nutshell right now... check out Boston pics on my site:

adios y hasta luego

Monday, June 2, 2008

Passion São Paulo 08

another video I know... but this one is awesome... and I am partial becasue I can actually read the different language..be blessed.. and listen for the sweet Brazilian girls singing their hearts out in English... love it

Chain Breaker - Charlie Hall - Passion Kampala

Check this out. It is a video from Passin Kamapala.. 25,000 people in a field worshiping God.. these.. who live in a place where luxuries simply don't exist and survival is not easy shouting to the world we are free we are free yeah the Son has set us free... there are no words.