Monday, February 18, 2008
Spiritual Warfare in my brain!!!!!!
So these past few days I have been experienceing some hard core spiritual warfare. Like I really do feel like there are 2 things inside my chest and one is pulling one way and one the other... ripping me apart. It started Saturday... I just felt like all day satan was screaming in my face.."your prayers don't matter.. God doesn't need you (which is true but not in the sense that satan was telling me)... God does NOT want you happy so get used to it"... and on and on and on.. and I know very well that ALLLLLL of that was a lie.. and the issue was not that I was believing any of it it was just that it really did feel like anytime I had a thought towards God satan would grab and pull as hard in the other direction as possible... so the problem was the exhaustion of constantly pulling my thoughts away from Satan. It is getting better but it has been a while since I have felt such hardcore struggle inside of me. It was just like a constant burn in my chest and I felt like I was going crazy. Thankfully today was better.. I started out the day distracted in my prayer but God graciously refocused me and I slowly felt the tension ceasing to some degree throughout the day. I know spiritual warfare is not a thing of the past or not something that is no longer relevant but man it stinks when Satan pulls so hard that you get emotionally drained and you can't verbally express why. I am not sure if any of that made sense at all but I am just thankful that my God has overcome the world and disarmed Satan and his clan forever. I am not sure what satan was fighting so hard in me against this weekend but it can only mean that God is doing big things in my heart... and for that I would endure anything!
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I don’t know if this will help, but I know exactly what you are talking about, and have been there many times before. To be honest, I still do. Your openness is an inspiration.
I have heard your testimony from Jaci, and seen God’s work in your life. It is evident and active. He has breathed new life into you, and you are fleshing that out. Not that it is your work, but you are allowing God to use you.
Satan is the lord of lies. God is the prince of peace. I know you know all this, but sometimes it’s good to be reminded. Try to find comfort in what God is doing instead of the adversary's attack. Sometimes Satan attacks the most when God is actively at work in your life. Instead of focusing on the attack, praise God for what who He is and what He is doing. That will help keep your mind focused on the glory of God verses the depravity of man or the harassment of the enemy.
Remember the enemy knows how to attack you at the weakest, but God is the author of life. He knows you more intimately than anyone else and will NEVER leave you or forsake you.
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