End of summer

Bittersweet. That's my word for the end of the summer. It was a good summer. I t started with moving JA to Boston... and actually now that I think of it it ended with me visiting them in Boston.. how funny. Sandwiched in between camp was the Dominican trip and other random good memories. Camp was fun this year. I kinda figured it would be my last year since I graduate in May and all so that was good and sad all at the same time. The DR trip was good. Nothing major moved in my heart, but not every missions trip I go on is going to radically change me. Sometimes you just need to serve ya know? But my summer seemed to be plagued by my inability to draw near to God. I was tired... okay exhausted most of the time. This led to a heaping pile of selfishness.I constantly chose outter comforts over inner reneweal (i.e. time in the Word, time in prayer). It was like I was stuck there too. I made valant efforts don't get me wrong to get out of my funk... but nothing was happening. I would talk to God on occasion about how stupid I was being, but then the next day I would push snooze 5 times again and fall right back into the habit. Then towards the end of the summer when I felt like I was making it a little closer to God it happened. Guilt. ugh. I felt like... okay here is a holy holy God who has this relationship with me and all I can manage to do lately is think about me, myself and I. So now who am I to try and come back to him? I knew it in my head... and i really think I knew it in my heart that God is waiting with open arms and that we don't have to be punished in order to come to Him.... Christ took that on the cross. There is no action that can earn me anymore of a right place with God. That is so hard for me to grasp sometimes. That a holy God has a relationship with me, and that I don't have to be punished when I sin... he forgives. So in the midst of wallowing in my guilt for a while... thinking if I could just feel some sort of punishment then I could start over with God...He spoke... don't you love when that happens. He spoke through Jarrod at AG one night. He reminded me that yes I will mess up, but I am free from guilt and shame and if I just run towards him with all my life then He is there. He won't love me any less no matter what I do. So here I am. Humbled once again by the amazing grace of my God. He has relit my passion for his word and for serving him...and he is slowly but surely making "me" less of a priority to me. Now i just need to learn to worry about today...not tomorrow...not May... today. Oh what a challenge for me. But all in all summer could have been better. It could have been worse. God never changes. Praise the Lord he changes me though.
Hello Fall
Hello Freedom
Hello Life