mixed emotions

So considering that I am in bed and it is 9:30 I felt and obligation to write a blog since it has been a couple of days. I have not been in bed at 9:30 in months. This weekend was full of mixed emotions for me. First off it snowed. I cannot describe to you how much I love snow. And it has been years since I have seen snow actually fall from the sky. It made me so happy. I went driving around town for a bit, and landed in Linn Park downtown. I was a little nervous at first because Linn Park is the homeless hotel if you know what I mean. But when I looked around and saw no one for blocks, my heart calmed. So I got out and walked around for a while. It was snowing pretty hard at this point so I was debating how much walking I really wanted to do. I mean I love snow and all but I was freezing. But as I stood there I just listened. It was that quiet that only happens when it snows. A wonderful quiet with the ever so light swish of the falling snowflakes. I just stood there and soaked it up. It encouraged my heart as I looked around and saw everything uniformly covered in a soft blanket of white. I thought of how because of Jesus this is how God looks at me. The feeling that I get when I look around and see snow isn't even comparable to the feeling that God gets when he looks at us and sees Christ, "our snow". There were no blemishes, no uneven ground, not flaws. How truly marvelous that Jesus can cover even our deepest flaws and makes us white as snow. And the best part is, He doesn't melt away and leave things uglier than before. Man what a blessing we have received. No words can express the gratitude in my heart for my Savior.

Aaaaanywho... I walked around for a bit and took some pics...look at my facebook album... and then decided to go to my mom and my grandmothers for a bit. Now this was divine intervention for sure. I don't know what made the idea pop in my head to go see them, but when I got there I knew why I had come. It hasn't snowed since my Aunt died ( My mom and grandma live in her house now by the way). So there I was, standing in front of the house that I grew up in, with all the memories of the woman who raised me and took me out day after day when it snowed (which happened a lot more when I was a kid). She wasn't here this time though. I looked up the road and thought of the countless times she drug me up that road on the sled and let me fly down, with much grace let me tell you, and soar across the ditch and come to a screeching halt just before I broke my self on the brick wall. I made my way inside and out the back door. As the flakes came down harder I was in awe of how many memories this house held for me. The house is now on the market by the way so not only was it snowing for the first time since my aunt died but her house, the house I grew up in, is being sold. I am by all means okay with the selling of the house and I know it is too much for my mom and grandma to handle, but nevertheless I was sad. The number of snowball fights that were had in that back yard. Not to mention picnics, Indian endeavors and endless games of tee ball. So needless to say it was a bittersweet moment. I don't usually think of my Aunt often these days, but nothing reminded me more of her than the snow. 

So once that bittersweet moment had passed I headed for the next. Work. It was my last shift that night at Bath and Body. I decided not to work this semester and focus on school and investing in people. I have worked there for over a year and God has shaped me so much through that job. I have never been in an environment where I had to be so careful to represent God in a way he deserved... which I know I failed at miserably a lot of times, but God used me as a light in that place and now I was leaving. I felt unaccomplished in a way. No one came to know Christ, but everyone most definitely knew that I belonged to Him. I spoke truth and planted seeds and I know His Word accomplishes it goal every time it is spoken and that is what I had to rest on.

So this weekend was full of emotional ups and downs for me. My God carried me all the way though. And for that I will never be able to say thanks enough.