Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Desires

Well it is Tuesday. That means lots of thoughts from me. Why you ask? Well T and TH I am in class straight from 11-315. Boo indeed. I usually don't go to the middle class, physical anthro. The poor professor is this cute little old man, but he is a terrible teacher. I do better teaching myself. But he got clever and now doesn't put the notes online anymore so I decided it would probably be to my advantage to go. I haven't been since September 16th! I know I am a terrible student. Anyways I tend to blog a lot on these days because I am, quite frankly, bored out of my mind.

But I have been thinking a lot about desires lately. and life. You know... what comes after college...I guess this is a normal thought considering I graduate in 6 months. I blogged about this a little bit last week... I was super discouraged at the time. God has encouraged me so much since then. Nothing in particular, he just changed my heart about it like only He can. I'm sure you know what I mean. I now have a sense of joy and wonder about it as opposed to anxiety. I have made myself a little nervous though I must say. Once again my stupid brain is going a little nuts over not a huge issue, but I still worry.

Desires. I have been asking myself a lot lately, am I chasing my desires or His? I think at times we can trick ourselves into thinking that we are chasing Him when in reality we are chasing our dreams. My plead has been that He will change my desires into His desires. I know I need to have more faith in this request. He says if we ask according to His will, in the name of Jesus, He will provide. I pray His will be done everyday, I know it is His will for His children to desire what He desires, so why am i worried? Well it comes to the fact that the two main desires I have right now, seem so out of reach. I know, and I fully believe, that God can move mountains, but when it comes to my desires for the near future, after learning all the logistics, it just doesn't seem possible. But yet, these desires aren't moving.

This morning I prayed it again. Begging God to strip me of all my selfish ambitions. Then I opened His sweet Word to Psalm 20. Right there. Bam! Verse 4: "May He grant you your heart's desire..." Okay Lord. Okay. Ahhhh.

What to do? I need more faith that God will be faithful to readjust my desires to become His. So these days I cannot seem to bring myself to pray that God will help me reach my desires (even though I'm most likely going to need to pursue some of them in the near future). I can only seem to beg that He will make my desires His. I need to be patient too. Not try to open door but sit back and seek the Kingdom and watch the doors fly open. I know He is faithful. Now its time for me to be. Waiting. A discipline I must learn.

2 comments:

Peyton said...

i am sort of in the same boat. i can get really selfish and want my desires to work out, even if i know theyre not His. we are so depraved ugly creatures. we do need to start seeking His desires, bc they lead to life. ours lead to death.

good post. thanks.

Jennifer said...

This was a good post. Let me encourage you by saying that if you are that consumed with making sure your desires are replaced with God's, then chances are the desires you have ARE His. Sometimes we think that having God's desires means only "spiritual stuff". But He also gives us the seemingly mundane desires, too - for me, it was to get married and have children - for you it may be to get into a particular career. But the thing that God has shown me is those over-riding or persistent desires or passions that have been a part of me for years, are from Him. He put those things in me in order to carry out His purpose and plan for my life. There is no doubt in my mind that He called me to be a wife and mother, as well as a Worship Ministry participant and intercessor. All of that came out of my desire to be married (although just because some girls are obsessed with getting married to someone doesn't mean it's a God-given desire), my desire to have children (which took longer than I would have liked, but now I see that was His perfect plan) and my desire to play the flute (which was a desire of mine since I was probably 3 years old). I won't take the time to tell you all the ways my desire to play the flute has brought me to where I am today on so many levels. So God took a seemingly mundane desire and used it to guide me into the center of His will for me - which means it was God's desire for me all along.

I hope I am not confusing the issue. Just rest in knowing that God knows our hearts. And just from this post, it sounds like your main heart's desire is to be a woman after God's own heart, which means you are on the right track. Like you said, just wait on Him. Be still and in due time, He will raise you up with wings like and eagle and you will soar.